Hiding in the toilet

My son is officially at the stage of following me wherever I go and screaming if he doesn't get his own way. Yes that's right... we have arrived at the terrible twos. I thought a tiny baby was hard but this! This is a whole new ball game.

First off the tantrums. If I tell him no, he'll kick off at me. If I then tell him off for having said tantrum, he'll hit me. Then it's almost like he feels guilty and cuddles me. He has such a split personality. Sometimes he's like am overexcited puppy, running around, laughing.

Other times hes like butter wouldnt melt. Sits their giving me cuddles and kisses. I love this side to him. It makes me feel like im doing ok. That he's not being screwed up.

Ive got to the point where ill spend an extra few minutes sat on the loo just for some peace and quiet. Although hes figured this out and bangs on the door until i come out. We see videos of mums who hide from their kids and honestly, that is the stark reality of motherhood. It doesnt make us bad mums, its make us sane mums. Sometimes an extra 5 minutes to yourself makes the biggest difference.

Noah is my favourite person in the world. He always will be. But it is hard!! Its lonely being on your own. Sometimes long shifts at work are just what i need. Doesn't mean i love him any less. I just need to be Georgia for a bit and not just mummy.

Changes

I always knew that it was hard to be a mum. There's always a daily struggle. You fight with yourself. Sometimes you'll go to bed feeling like your failing. When you have a partner, there's someone there all the time to reassure you that you are a good mum. But what happens when that person leaves. I'm slowly learning what it's like to be a single mum.

I'm lucky. I have an amazing family, who are there for me no matter what. Especially my mum. She's always shown me how to be the best I can be. She's supportive and loving.  My life is easier and better with her in it. I know that she will help me with my son and will never stand by and watch me struggle. Her and my stepdad are the best grandparents I could ask for my son. I'd never be where I am without them. I also have my sisters who are great babysitters. They love noah and try to help when I need it.

I get to be a full time mum with a full time job. I changed my job in the last 8 months. I'm now caring and supporting disabled adults. It's hard. Both are challenging and intense. But again my family help. Noah seems to be getting so smart and cheeky lately. It's can drive us all mad. I love my job.  I love feeling like I'm doing  something to help and make a difference in someone's life. It's a big change in careers, but a step I'm glad I took.

So I've had two big changes. My job and my relationship. I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm figuratively on my own. I want the best for my son and I need to be just that. I know his dad will see him and look after him when I'm working. But other than that it will be me that will need to provide for him. I'm moving out in the next couple of weeks. I'm going onwards and upwards.

how to treat your waitress

It's been so long since I last posted on here. I don't think I realised how hard it would be to be a working mum. Noahs finally got the hang of crawling and a few other tricks. He waves at everybody now. Being back at work though is getting so much better. I feel like I have freedom outside of being a mum to do other things. I've missed working, despite being constantly tired. My husband thought it would be nice to tell me that my job isn't hard as I'm "just a waitress" but I put up with more from people then you'd think. Here's some tips for you next time you eat out:
• Don't yell at your waitress. Chances are they are busy and is trying very hard to give you good service
• Do tip. We are on minimum wage and most of the time, a couple of quid extra helps. If you've enjoyed you meal, give back.
• Don't talk to us like we're imbeciles. We know how to do our jobs so don't correct us because you think your right.
• Don't eat your food and then complain, and say you aren't paying. If it's no longer on the plate, you don't get it for free.
• Do make conversation. Chances are we've not and a chance to talk to people outside of work all day. sometimes we like to listen and talk with customers.
• Look at us when your talking. Being on the phone prevents you from using your manners.
• Use your manners!!

I miss my son whilst I'm at work, which I don't think people understand. It's like an addiction. I need to see him. I'm not young, free and single. I'm young, fun, being a mum.

you're not alone

So this is the first time I've ever really put down in words how I was feeling after I had noah. It seems to be a taboo subject for some and to others it's only an excuse. A few months after noah my mum noticed my moods and how it was acting around people. I found it hard to find the strength to get up out of bed and socialise. I couldn't sleep properly. There were times when I would rather be dead then face the world. I thought I was being judged by everyone and that everyone thought I was a bad mum. I knew that I loved my son but I was so overwhelmed. So many women go through this everyday and don't feel like they can get help. I didn't just suffer with postnatal depression, I suffered with anxiety. Everything scared me. Being on the bus would give me a panic attack. My imagination would trick me into thinking every situation was dangerous for me and noah. I was to afraid to leave the house. Everything that was rational became irrational.

Here's what I learnt. There's people there to help.  I got help. Although I stopped taking the medication, I could finally open up. I spoke to my mum and my husband and they helped me through. Now I will tell someone if I'm feeling down or if I feel like I'm failing. Even the small things help. Being a mum is hard enough without the added extra of post natal depression.

the many mum duties

So I haven't been able to post in so long. I feel horrendous as writing this blog gets anything vent up inside of me out and calms me down, but it's been a waltz of ear infections, eye infections and vomiting in the middleton family. But thankful it's seems to be settling down.
Been back at work for 4 weeks now and I'm so happy to be back. Although it's shown how hard it is to be a working mum. Seriously, mum, thank you. I have a new found respect for all mum's.
It's also been a hard time with my husband. Twice we've had to decide whether it's best for us on split or not and it really does take its toll. Marriage is not easy and I've learnt recently how to be open about it.
Noah is crawling. So my moment of bliss and silence (quickly having a wee) has gone as now he'll follow me there. He was trying so hard last week but couldn't quite get his legs moving and then, on the one day I was at work all day, he does it, crawls a few centimetres across the living room. I'm kind of gutted that missed it. I spend most of my time with him. Now I'm scared of all the things I'll miss when I'm at work, or even just popped to the shops. How do mum's do it all. Act like it doesn't feel like, after months of just you and baby, that a part of you isn't there now. He's also trying to talk. He says dada mostly and sometimes muma but most of the time it all sounds like nonsense. But still.... I carried him for 9 months, was in labour for 31 hours just for him to say dada first. I won't lie, I'm jealous.
Might have some good news for our all soon, son keep an eye out.

hello, from the working side

So I'm back at work this weekend. My shift is all day and I don't know how I'll cope not seeing my baby all day for the first time in 8 months. Don't get me wrong it will be nice to be back on my feet and getting out the house but I didn't realise how hard it would feel not being there. I'm going to sort out set shifts every week so I know where I stand with noahs nursery. How do women do this. I dint want to be a housewife, cleaning and cooking, waiting for my husband to get home but I can now see why some women prefer to do that.  My mum worked hard when we were younger so why shouldn't I.

Also I'm on a new diet. No bread, sugar, and limited cards. So basically I've eaten fish and veg most the week. Now, I'm addicted to Pepsi max buy I haven't had a bottle all week. Hopefully I can slim down a bit. I'll be tracking my progress on here.
Thanks for reading guys x

the real reality

Shows like 16 and pregnant and teen moms are infamous. We have watched the stars grow up, watched their children grow up. But here's the thing. That's not a completely realistic picture. Sometimes there's not all that drama. Sometimes it's not as easy as it's seems. Pregnancy and parenthood isn't as glamorous as it's portrayed. These girls have made some serious money doing this show and other projects (*cough cough* sex tape ). I'm not a fan of one of the girls on the original series. But one girl, caitlyn, she's the most realistic. She has had the most to go through. Not all teen moms keep their children. She's also shown to have suffered post natal depression. She should be admired for her courage. I'm sure the girls would not tell girls that being a teen parent is the best path but if it happens your choices will affect you. I wasn't a teen when I had my son. But I was only a year off. I'm still young with a lot to learn. The likes of farrah who gives her child $900 for a tooth, I mean come on. I don't even earn that in two months. That's unrealistic and we've all seen how her child acts. I'm not critiquing her parenting as she has her own way. But I know that even if I won the lottery, I would still work a few days a week and show my son that you have to work for the things you want. Not everyone can get pregnant young and become a household name. They are mostly just like us. But they have added drama from a show. Not all of us will split from our partners. Dont wish for what they have
 Everyone's journey is different. Embrace yours.