Hiding in the toilet

My son is officially at the stage of following me wherever I go and screaming if he doesn't get his own way. Yes that's right... we have arrived at the terrible twos. I thought a tiny baby was hard but this! This is a whole new ball game.

First off the tantrums. If I tell him no, he'll kick off at me. If I then tell him off for having said tantrum, he'll hit me. Then it's almost like he feels guilty and cuddles me. He has such a split personality. Sometimes he's like am overexcited puppy, running around, laughing.

Other times hes like butter wouldnt melt. Sits their giving me cuddles and kisses. I love this side to him. It makes me feel like im doing ok. That he's not being screwed up.

Ive got to the point where ill spend an extra few minutes sat on the loo just for some peace and quiet. Although hes figured this out and bangs on the door until i come out. We see videos of mums who hide from their kids and honestly, that is the stark reality of motherhood. It doesnt make us bad mums, its make us sane mums. Sometimes an extra 5 minutes to yourself makes the biggest difference.

Noah is my favourite person in the world. He always will be. But it is hard!! Its lonely being on your own. Sometimes long shifts at work are just what i need. Doesn't mean i love him any less. I just need to be Georgia for a bit and not just mummy.

Changes

I always knew that it was hard to be a mum. There's always a daily struggle. You fight with yourself. Sometimes you'll go to bed feeling like your failing. When you have a partner, there's someone there all the time to reassure you that you are a good mum. But what happens when that person leaves. I'm slowly learning what it's like to be a single mum.

I'm lucky. I have an amazing family, who are there for me no matter what. Especially my mum. She's always shown me how to be the best I can be. She's supportive and loving.  My life is easier and better with her in it. I know that she will help me with my son and will never stand by and watch me struggle. Her and my stepdad are the best grandparents I could ask for my son. I'd never be where I am without them. I also have my sisters who are great babysitters. They love noah and try to help when I need it.

I get to be a full time mum with a full time job. I changed my job in the last 8 months. I'm now caring and supporting disabled adults. It's hard. Both are challenging and intense. But again my family help. Noah seems to be getting so smart and cheeky lately. It's can drive us all mad. I love my job.  I love feeling like I'm doing  something to help and make a difference in someone's life. It's a big change in careers, but a step I'm glad I took.

So I've had two big changes. My job and my relationship. I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm figuratively on my own. I want the best for my son and I need to be just that. I know his dad will see him and look after him when I'm working. But other than that it will be me that will need to provide for him. I'm moving out in the next couple of weeks. I'm going onwards and upwards.