So this is the first time I've ever really put down in words how I was feeling after I had noah. It seems to be a taboo subject for some and to others it's only an excuse. A few months after noah my mum noticed my moods and how it was acting around people. I found it hard to find the strength to get up out of bed and socialise. I couldn't sleep properly. There were times when I would rather be dead then face the world. I thought I was being judged by everyone and that everyone thought I was a bad mum. I knew that I loved my son but I was so overwhelmed. So many women go through this everyday and don't feel like they can get help. I didn't just suffer with postnatal depression, I suffered with anxiety. Everything scared me. Being on the bus would give me a panic attack. My imagination would trick me into thinking every situation was dangerous for me and noah. I was to afraid to leave the house. Everything that was rational became irrational.
Here's what I learnt. There's people there to help. I got help. Although I stopped taking the medication, I could finally open up. I spoke to my mum and my husband and they helped me through. Now I will tell someone if I'm feeling down or if I feel like I'm failing. Even the small things help. Being a mum is hard enough without the added extra of post natal depression.
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